Sentimental

Perhaps it's the New Year, or that my daughter will be turning a whole year old tomorrow, but I'm feeling so sentimental tonight.  I started browsing through old photos, and reminiscing.  One thing has become clear: I have a tendency to cut ties with almost everyone along the way.  I have so few people from high school or college or... any other phase of life... that I maintain regular contact with.  It makes me sad.

Looking back at high school, the people I thought would be friends forever are now strangers whose pictures occasionally pop up on my Facebook feed.  The boys I dated (or always thought I could) are all married.  Many have babies and lives I never could have dreamed they'd have.  And I just think of how high school and college were these great crossing grounds where so many diverse lives crossed paths never to truly intersect again.  (Yes, I know it's a little dramatic, but I'm hormonal and sentimental).  We were at these points just waiting for our lives to really start.

But what really bothers me, is how many of them are still in touch with each other.  Maybe the crossroads theory isn't that great.  Maybe I was the only one passing through.  There are so many people that touched my life in such meaningful ways.  From grade school friends, to high school friends, to college friends.  Yet, I haven't talked to most of them in years.

I look back, and I can see why.  It took me so long to get to a point where I was comfortable with myself.  I spent half of my high school career trying to hide from everyone, and the second half trying to act overly confident and outgoing (in my own awkward way).  In college, I had so many friends, but I was a rebellious, opinionated little thing.  I let go of the relationships from my past that had made me who I was, then felt my new connections couldn't understand me because they hadn't been where I'd been.  In graduate school, I was in pure survival mode.  Thank God for Mike.  I don't think I would have survived without Mike.  Then here I am.  I live in a relatively new town, hours away from anywhere I've been before, in a career that makes it hard to establish friendships through work due to working in different buildings all the time, and still bogged down with my high school insecurities.

Maybe my Thirties will be better?

Balance

Yesterday Baby Girl went with me to school.  I dressed her up in an adorable alphabet outfit, and took her along with me to meet with my boss and go to one of my buildings :-).  We met with my boss so that I could A) Show off Baby Girl, and B) talk about going down to part time next school year.  Baby Girl was a little angel (Whew!) and helped with my negotiations.  My boss said she needs to talk to HR about how exactly to put the paperwork through, but it is now pretty official that next year I will be a part time psychologist and a full time Mom. WooHoo!  I asked for just two days a week so I really feel like I spend most of my time in the role of Mom.  

I am so excited for next year.  Spending this time at home has really made me realize how out of wack my work/life balance has been.  I went straight from graduate school to a very busy/demanding job, and the whole time I've felt like a giant stress-bot.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not completely stress free now... I think stress is just part of my nature.  But it's so much less.  I feel like I'm a better wife, mother, and person.  I've had time to pursue interests, and achieve goals I've been wanting to work on for years.  I've even started running and gardening this week (more to come on these later!).

To top off this great news, I stopped by my favorite school on the way home.  It was great to see my old coworkers.  I was sad to find out that one of my coworkers wasn't in, but so excited to see everyone else.  Stopping by made me realize how much I miss work, and how awesome the teachers and staff are.  I really hope I will continue to work in this building next year **crosses fingers**, but my boss told me she wouldn't be working on placements at all until June as she wants to see if our department gets fully staffed.  Unfortunately, if we are not fully staffed, I'll probably be split between two smaller buildings.

I hope everyone enjoyed the DELIGHTFUL weather today!

De-Funking

This past week was a little rough for me.  I had a great day on Monday meeting the Mom's group.  But then the rest of the week kind of went downhill.  I slipped into a bad funk where I just sort of felt blah.  I think it's because Baby Girl had some difficulty sleeping a couple of nights which led to a couple of rough days.

But I discovered a magically obvious solution yesterday.  COFFEE.  I enjoy coffee, but have never been a daily drinker.  For me it's more of an occasional, when I feel like it kind of thing (nothing better than going to a coffee shop and enjoying a treat!).  I have tried to limit it a little because I'm breastfeeding, and because, in theory, I could nap when the baby napped.  Recently, Baby Girl has been boycotting naps though, which has led to me not getting this sleep.

Yesterday, my caffeine boost helped me push through the morning though.  I think since I was more active in the morning, it helped her get more tuckered out, and so she took a nap.  While she slept, I got to be super-mom and clean the bathrooms, wash the sheets, wash the diapers, vacuum, make dinner (I made it during the afternoon because I had a dentist appointment and wanted dinner waiting for me later), hemmed some curtains, and felt pretty kick-a$$ for getting it all done.  I even took her for a short walk to the mailbox down the street to mail out a package.  Then after my dentist appointment, I went shopping for some vegetable seeds so I can start growing some seedlings soon (Tomorrow's project!).  Last night, she was more tired than me even though all she did was watch, and she slept wonderfully, giving me some good sleep.  Today I finished vacuuming, mopping, installed some new hardware in the bathroom (which is now looking quite fabulous!), took Baby Girl for a long walk, and got the process started for finding new solutions for work.  Tonight, Baby Girl gave Mike and I a wonderful surprise... she got tired on her own around 8, allowing us to **gasp!** watch a movie together.

Long story short, I have been defunked.  And when I am defunked, I go to Pinterest to daydream about doing 10 million different projects around my house :-)

Mom's Group

I have a real problem with deciding on a topic when blogging.  I think it's because I've been so busy lately!  I've been doing some projects around the house, such as patching up a hole in the wall that's been there since we moved in.  I can now sleep soundly knowing a Basilisk won't be coming out during the night!  We visited my parents last weekend, which was Baby Girl's first trip to Grandma and Grandpa's house, and first slumber party! We went to get her vaccines last week.  I've been enjoying all the little developments with Baby Girl.  She is smiling more, she can bring her hand to her mouth easily, and she turns to look at me when I talk to her if she isn't really interested in something.  She just seems more and more aware of her surroundings, and I absolutely love it!  I've also been reading some books related to School Psychology that I bought months ago, but never read.  I'm really getting excited about some new ideas for evaluations, report writing, and trying to establish a better flow to my work next year (the end of this year when I go back is going to be a chaotic mess, and I've come to terms with this).  I've also been researching some things for personal interest like landscaping.  Maybe I can make my house look as awesome and inviting from the outside as how I feel about it on the inside :-p.

All of this since my post last week.  No wonder I haven't been missing Facebook much!

Today I went to a playgroup with a local MOMS group for the first time. Baby Girl didn't really play, so much as sleep, but we had a great time meeting with some other moms in the area.  I realized a few things on my outing today...  First, this is an awesome way to connect with other mothers in the area.  Three of the other mom's were also newer to the area and had the same issue I did with not having many friends, let alone friends with kids that can offer parenting advice nearby.  Second, sleep seems to be one of the biggest challenges in parenting.  We've been pretty lucky in that Baby Girl seems to be mastering the art of sleeping at night these past couple weeks.  There was one poor mother there whose baby didn't start sleeping through the night until 15 months!  Third, getting out of the house with a baby is EXHAUSTING!  I had been hoping to swing by one of my schools after the group, but the group ran longer than I had anticipated, so the timing wouldn't have worked.  But even if it had, I'm not sure if I had the energy to go!  Hopefully this will get to be easier in time, and I'll get a chance to stop by soon.  And finally, I learned that you need to bring your car seat or a carrier with you to the bathroom when you do a diaper change or there is no way to wash your hands!

Anyway, I bid you all goodnight, and will return to my school psychology book for the evening.  Baby Girl is sleeping, so I have a little time to myself before I follow her lead and nod off for the night.

Facebook-Free

Greetings Friends!

As some of you may know, back in my college days, I was a frequent blogger.  I blogged about pretty much everything in my day to day life.  You will notice that none of those posts are available now...this is because I blogged about pretty much EVERYTHING in my day to day life.

I've been debating for the past few years about starting up my blogging ventures again.  And time and again, I have posted something or another.  I has hoped to make one of those blogs that is focused on a specific topic and actually presents a lot of interesting or useful information for others.  I debated over which topic to pursue... 

• School psychology?-No, I love my job, but I don't want to be thinking about it all the time... 
• Motherhood?-After reading some pretty aggressive comments on some random parenting blogs, I've decided I don't want to go that direction!
• Budgeting/Personal Finance?-While it's been an interest lately, I'm not sure if I'd stick with it for long.
• Positive Psychology/Happiness? - I want to start doing a combination of research on positive psychology philosophies and introspection, but I don't think I want to dedicate a whole blog to it.
• Running?-I need to start running again before I can write about it.

Basically, what I realized, is I don't have any strong specific interest in one topic.  So I've decided to just write about whatever is on my mind.  Who knows... maybe this will evolve into something more specific later.

So what better place to begin than with a basic introduction:

My name is Brenda, and I am 26 years old.  At times in my life, I have been very ambitious in regards to academics, hobbies, or career.  I have also had some issues with anxiety which may or may not be related to that ambition.  I have been much less focused the last few years.  I'm not sure if this is because graduate school broke me, or because now that I'm in the career I want, the ambition isn't as needed.  I've had trouble focusing on any one hobby outside of work. I am currently taking an extended maternity leave to adjust to life with my adorable little girl.  I am so grateful to have the time off, but terrified of returning to work and leaving her with someone other than me or my husband in a few months.  At the same time I'm starting to miss work, especially my coworkers.  I'm looking into options which might make the transition/ultimate working mom lifestyle more satisfying for me.  At home, I have been doing a lot of those little projects around the house that I've been meaning to do since we bought our house a year and a half ago (Hello Pinterest!).

I think that about sums it up.  I hope you'll check back from time to time on my blogging journey.

Brenda